بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
Coming back again setelah 2 bulan meninggalkan dunia blogging. I dont know. I have been not in the mood this past couple of months. Padahal I have made a resolution to keep writing every week. Lots of things happened in only 2 months back, but I'll prefer to keep it to myself. I have not been updating the IG's regularly as planned. My carousell got banned and I don''t know where to start. To start back at your feet, to learn to walk again is kindda the critical part for me. I dont know how to run again, to maintain my business, to earn extra money. To maintain how it was supposed to be.
Sometimes I kept asking myself where does the enthusiastic me go? Why do I keep disappearing despite all things happened around me. Why i cant be consistent and just go with what i planned? This April i planned to juggle lots of things. i planned to hidup balik my bakery life, i nak juggle my preloved business and help an. and also nak update my kids ig. and be diligent with my work. making sure i meet all deadlines. but 1 thing i failed to do, is to pray. rasa dah lama sangat aku tak pegang sejadah dan memakai telekung. aku lost my inner sense. aku lost the connection that i need with the Almighty. aku dapat rasakan dia menyeru aku. tapi aku sombong angkuh and i felt like i dont have enough time to conquer all. to buat semua. kekadang aku rasa malu dengan anak-anak, bila dorg azan, mengaji dan cuba untuk membaca alfatihah dan solat. like what the hell man? where were you? where is your roll in becoming a mom? kenapa aku rasa tekejar sgt dengan duniawi. kenapa aku rasa like so uptight with money and income and numbers? kenapa semua ditarik sikit and kenapa aku kena mula from the start? kenapa aku rasa marah dengan diri aku? sebab i failed and cant accomplished. kadang i felt like there is a burden and rasa berat sangat kepala ni. sampai aku tak tahu where to start and tak tahu di mana hendak mengadu. kadang aku rasa overwhelmed and i need to cry. but then i think again what is the purpose aku nak menangis and meratap? bukan boleh membantu pun. that's why i guess i keep writing back here. so that i can open up and luahkan apa yang terbuku di hati. biarlah broken english ke singlish ke, who cares. nobody read it. just me for my own journal.
okayyy enough of rambling. lets inhale and exhale. so here's what i need to do. delegate work so that i will not be overwhelmed. come back to Allah. ask for His guidance. In sha Allah everything will be fine, Thank you Allah for giving me a chance to breathe again today, for giving me time to think and do the right thing. In sha Allah ada petunjuknya.
Till next time,
x
x
AmrhAbdlh
